A few months ago when I started sharing the ins and outs and ups and downs of my mommyhood with the world, I found myself consumed by it.  Captivated.  Curious.  Hooked.

I needed to be “connected” all. the. time.  I was constantly checking Twitter on my phone, subscribing to blog after blog in my Google Reader and freaking out when I logged in and found 237 unread posts.  The second I laid C down to sleep, I would hurry to open up the laptop and tap out a post or comment on my favorite blogs. 

A few months later, I find myself rocking her a little longer, even after she’s fallen asleep.  Or I open the computer and stare at the “add new post” screen, unsure about what to write.  Maybe I share a few not-so-witty, borderline whiny tweets and check in with a few e-friends.  But I don’t feel as tied to blogging as I did a while back. 

Is it because it’s not what I thought it would be?  My posts aren’t earth shattering. I don’t touch hot topics with a ten-foot pole. And I don’t know where I want this site to go. 

Is it because way too often Twitter gives me the big fat fail whale and I just don’t have the patience for it? 

Is it because I see C’s babyhood slipping away and I want to take every moment to soak it in?  Not write or talk about it?

Is it because things like work, busy weekends, the start of football season and not feeling well have my head in a place where, by the end of the day, I don’t want to do anything other than curl up with a soft blanket and Reba reruns on Lifetime? 

I’m being a little bit melodramatic.  I’m not going anywhere.  I blogged before anyone read what I wrote and honestly, my mom likes seeing new pictures of her granddaughter.  I just noticed this change tonight, when again C feel asleep as I was feeding her (does anyone else think she needs an earlier bedtime?) and instead of rushing to jump online, I rocked, stroked her hair, ran my finger along her cheek and just stared at her peaceful and content face. 

It’s also a little bit of an explanation for the lack of commenting (so sorry!) and the over abundance of posts that mostly just cute pictures or silly stories.  Maybe someday, I’ll try to stretch my wings a little more, be a little more engaged, a little less whiny.  But for now, this is where I’m at. 

Pity party.  Table for one.

I’m not here today.  But don’t fear, I’ve not run out of things to say…  I’m just sharing one of my best “maternally insane” moments with Brandee at Chill, Mama, Chill.  Go check it out.  She says all sorts of nice things about me, which have totally gone to my head, cause she is one of my favorite blog and Twitter people!  Funny, with a side of adorable! 

And while you’re there, check out her adorable babe, Everly (don’t you just love that name?!) and all of her other guest bloggers who shared their most insane motherhood moments!

Trying something new again here on my corner of the internet with a Twitter/Blog friend, Diana from Hormonal Imbalances. I’ll let her tell you about it below. But if you’re new here, check out the posts on the right – they are some of my favorites. Or check out the “Baby of the Year” tab at the top to see how cute my kid is. Or if you’re wondering why I’m so convinced I’m not going to be voted Mommy of the Year, stick around… you’ll figure it out.

Here’s the official introduction….

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There are so many things about parenthood that scare me.  Like any day now, I’m sure my kid is going to suceed in throwing herself off of the couch or bed when I’m trying to change her.  Or the first time a friend doesn’t want to play with her on the playground and she feels left out.  And, her teenage years when she’s dealing with heartbreak and peer pressure and learning to drive? Well, that’s enough to send me for another glass of wine. 

But, hands down, the biggest fear that I have when it comes to parenting is having a sick child.  When I was pregnant and just began reading blogs, most of the ones I read were women who had suffered terrible losses.  I would sit at the computer in our office on a Saturday night while Craig was upstairs getting ready for date night and choke back sobs as I pressed a hand to my belly and prayed for a healthy child.  My heart broke for mothers whose children were sick or … worse. 

And it still does.  With a perfectly healthy child, sleeping soundly in her crib upstairs, I realize how very blessed Craig and I are and I thank God every morning as I kiss her sleepy little head. 

In some ways there are very few things that I get all worked up and passionate about. But if I could single-handedly fix any broken or sick child, I would.  If I could make the lives just a little bit easier for every parent whose child is struggling, I would. 

And I would bet that most of you reading this would as well.  We can’t fix the world, we can’t help every sick child.  But please, take a moment and read about Keegan over at Raising Madison.  His story will tear at your heart strings.  And then, if you are able and feel moved to do so, make a donation and enter Joanna’s giveaway.  If a lot of people do a little, we have the chance to help a very deserving family.   

“I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; I will not refuse to do the something I can do.” – Helen Keller

Last night I was getting a rather grumpy baby girl ready for her bath.  I sat her down in the exersaucer while I filled her bathtub and collected her pjs.  And she whined because clearly it’s more fun to try to throw herself off of my bed than be stuck in the exercauser with toys to distract stimulate her.  As her whining got a little louder, urging me to HURRY UP, DAMN WOMAN, I hiccuped.  (I wasn’t drinking I swear.)

And she giggled. 

So I laughed at her.  And she giggled some more.  And I laughed until I hiccuped again.  And she laughed harder.  With every hiccup that came from my mouth her giggles got louder.  I swear we were like two  undergrads stumbling down College Avenue on the way home from a frat party.  Me with the hiccups and her with the belly laughs. 

For the record, I’m blogging this because her belly laughs are usually saved for when Craig blows raspberries on her belly or does the “pants dance” and this one was ALL. MINE.  ’tis a shame I cannot hiccup on demand. 

————-   

Also?  Have you read Joanna’s blog, Raising Madison?  This internet is a crazy place, where on a daily basis I share in frustrations, milestones and everyday moments of other bloggers.  Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry and sometimes I’m truly inspired.  Joanna is one of the rare people that brings all of those emotions.  She has a daughter who has hip dysplasia and she has faced some other sucky things in life.  But instead of whining or venting her troubles, she has used her blog to share information with other families whose children are also facing the surgeries and casts that come with hip dysplasia.  ANYWAY!  She is up for a Scholastic Parent & Child Blog award and while I’m usually begging for votes for myself on Top Baby Blogs, I’d like to ask you to vote for her in the special needs category (it’s all the way at the bottom). She deserves it.

The door is wide open, there’s food in crockpot, dips on the counter and drinks in the cooler in the garage.  What? Oh, wait.  This isn’t a party that I have to prepare food for?  And I don’t have to clean up my house?  Even better. 

I am joining in the D-Listed blogs, first blog hop.  Hoping to invite in a few new friends.  So, if this is your first time here, let me tell you a few things about me.  I’m just a regular working momma, fumbling my way through my child’s first milestones.  I blog about the frustrations that I want to forget, the moments I want to commit to memory and the every day struggles of trying to balance the (adorable!) baby with the (too good for me) husband and the (demanding) job. 

Some things about me:

• I can argue both sides of a coin.
• I believe a bad day is best cured  by having a beer with a good friend.
• In college, a professor told me there was no way I could graduate a semester early.  So, just to prove her wrong, I did.  I’m stubborn like that.
• I work best under pressure  and tight deadlines.  But please don’t tell my boss. 
• I take too many pictures.  For serious.  There are 976 pictures on my camera that need to be downloaded.  All but 13 of them are of my daughter.  They were all taken in the last 73 days.  You do the math. 

Some of my favorite blog posts:

• A sentimental moment in the early morning
• The day before I went back to work
• A working mom struggle
• A peek at my adorable kid. Seriously, isn’t she cute? 

So, I hope you like what you read here & look forward to crashing through the door at your place too.

If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time you know that I take sleep very seriously.  I think sleep is as important to a child health and happiness as being well fed.  Yes.  I take it that seriously.  And, if you’ve ever read this before, you know that I lucked into getting my daughter to sleep through the night pretty easily but naps?  Not so much. 

So, when I got an email from TLC Book Tours asking me to be a part of the book tour for The Good Night, Sleep Tight Workbook, I happily accepted.  Hell, if someone told me to mix ketchup with formula and C would nap, I’d probably try that too.  I was anxious for an expert to tell me what to do to make naptime more peaceful. 

I found Kim West’s workbook really reassuring in a few ways.  First, she makes a point to say that even if the child doesn’t go to sleep the same way for naps that she does at night, it’ll be OK.  I worry a lot about the inconsistency of napping at home on weekends and at her grandmother’s house during the week.  And I know that asking my mother-in-law to toss her only grandchild into a pack and play and let her cry isn’t fair.  Ms. West says that it’s OK and won’t send our night time progress backwards. 

Also? I love the way the book is written.  It’s a quick, easy read.  To the point, but with a tone of another mother who has been in the sleep war trenches.  She makes great points that seem so obvious but that I just didn’t think of before. 

Actually, the only thing I was unsure about was her “Sleep Lady Shuffle”.  Ms. West suggests laying the baby down awake and staying in the room, in a chair, until she falls asleep.  For me? I just couldn’t do this.  I don’t think I could sit in the room with my child who was crying and not pick her up and comfort her.  That being said, I’d remind you that I lucked into a child who slept through the night. If she wasn’t, I probably would be much more willing to try this method and I would definitely recommend the book to a new mom that was struggling with getting a baby to sleep.  

For us and for naps, we’ll just keep trying to get her down awake and for longer than 30 minutes at a time and keep in mind some of the other suggestions and considerations. 

Want to know more about the book?  Check out her website or sign up for her newsletter.

I have forgotten the first night of my child’s life.  I can recall (most) of labor like it was yesterday.  I remember the second night in the hospital when I desperately tried to soothe her and she cried and I didn’t know what to do so I cried and wondered what I thought I was doing having a baby anyway.  Every 30 minutes for four hours, I walked her around the room, I pulled her into bed with me, I tried to feed her, I changed her, I cuddled her and as soon as she fell asleep and I laid her down she would howl.  Lather, rinse, repeat. 

But that first night?  After my parents and in laws left, after Craig left.  I don’t remember that night.  Did I let the nurses take C so I could sleep?  Did I keep her with me?  I really don’t know.  Craig thinks I kept her with me.  My mom thinks she went to the nursery.  Did I send her to the nursery but feel guilty and tell Craig that she stayed with me?  No.  I’m pretty sure one of them is wrong.  I don’t remember getting up in the middle of the night with her, but I don’t remember calling the nurse to ask them to bring me my baby. 

You can say that it’s OK.  That Iwas recovering from labor and the effects of the drugs were still wearing off and I could probably be convinced.  But this is my baby and that was the first night of her life and I. Don’t. Remember. 

So that’s why this corner of the internet exist.  So that I can write down what she does and when she does it.  With more than just a two inch space to jot down the date.  I can write about the look of satisfaction and surprise when she figured out how to scootch herself across the floor and the kind of shoes she was wearing.  So that in another year when I can’t remember when she started trying to crawl, I can look at this blog, read the post and remind myself. 

This is why I blog.

Well, not me, per se.  But check out my new look. All thanks to my talented internet friends at Waking Up Williams. 

My old look was OK.  It’s about as creative as I can get with PowerPoint graphics and iStock photography.  But I was on Twitter one night whining that I wanted a makeover and LCW offered her husband, JPW’s services to help me out.  I handed over access to my site and a week or so later, woke up to what you see now.  A customized header, a new layout, re-categorized categories and fun add ons to make it customized. 

So, what do you think?  Pretty cool, huh? 

PS.  Williams’ :  if you’re reading this?  I really can’t thank you enough.  And, I promise I will do my best not to screw anything up.