Does being annoyed that I have to make a tampon run mean that I’m ready to talk about baby #2? Does being disappointed over cramps and bloating mean that I’m ready for queasiness, fatigue and lack of wine again? Does the flutter in my heart when I see a newborn mean that I could prepare myself for sleepless nights, a crying baby and sore lady bits once more?
I want C to grow up with a brother or sister. I want them to have memories of doing things together. I want them to be friends, to share toys and rides to school. I want them to pace the hallway together on Christmas morning, anxiously waiting for Craig and me to wake up.
But, is it too soon?
C is only 7.5 months old. I know that some people have kids much closer together than this, so maybe that’s a rhetorical question. I mean, is it too soon for us? Will having another baby when C is only a year and a half or two years old force her to grow up too quickly? Will I be able to love two children as much as I love her? I mean she’s a great, relatively easy going baby. What if my next one never sleeps and I find myself thinking, “I liked your sister more!”? What if the minute I get pregnant, I remember everything I didn’t like about it the first time? What if I’m so tired and sick while pregnant that I can’t devote enough time to C. What if bringing a baby home makes her feel sad or neglected? What if I have a newborn and C still fights me to take a nap and I go batshitcrazy?
And then I go crazy thinking about timing.
I run through the months adding nine to every month between now and Christmas to determine when delivery wouldn’t take place during football season. I mentally inventory my maternity clothes in the hopes they can be worn in a different season. I wonder if it’s too close to have children who are a year and a half apart in age but only a year in school. Will their fights in high school drive me insane or will they be close friends? Will they always be compared to each other? If we wait until they have two or three grades between them, will we be trying to go in too many different directions once they join a sports team, take dance lessons or learn to play the tuba?
And then the ‘what ifs’ start running through my head.
What if it takes seven months to get knocked up again? Whatif something happens to our income? What if I do all of this math (with my calculator cause I suck at numbers!) and somehow decide what is best for our family and it doesn’t happen anyway, because, you know? Sometimes it doesn’t.
As the “what ifs” run through my head; the guilt, questions and the unknowns all tap dancing to different tunes, I see the visions of family dinners and vacations that include more than one child. I remember the weary arms of a mother who has held her newborn for twelve hours a day. And, I easily picture C’s face when we introduce her to a little brother or sister.
As I realize that there is likely no perfect answer or perfect plan,and I could drive myself (and my husband crazy trying t0) I put faith in the stars aligning once again to give us another child that I dreamed of.
Moral of the story: I’m a planner. Craig is not. It’ll happen when it happens.
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All I have to say is try and stop planning (even just in your head). I’m a planner also and planned my P’s birthday’s down to within weeks of each other. They are almost exactly 2 yrs apart and both have April birthdays. All of the what-if’s went through my head too, and yes I did feel guilt during my second pregnancy when i couldn’t devote enough attention to my ‘baby’ because of pregnancy issues. But it all worked out! They are fabulous friends (even though they are a boy/girl) but yes, they drive me nuts with their fighting!
Well after all that planning, we got a surprise #3 pregnancy and my this time I’ve let my ‘what-ifs’ go…I had to, it just happened and we are going with it. None of my maternity clothes are the right season, sometimes I’m too tired to play with my P’s, and unfortunately this one is coming right in the middle of football season…but in the end, I love ALL my babies and they love each other! Mother hood is a miracle! Good Luck, I say go for it!
My son was 8 months old when I got pregnant with our second. If you do have your kids that close together, know that it will be tough at first. It got easier as they got older, but then we added a third to the mix–only 20 months between the second and the third. That’s been somewhat insane. The plus of having kids close together is that they really do play with each other, though.
I’m a planner, too, but God will throw you a curve ball when you think you’ve planned everything the way you want. That’s how we grow! Good luck as you and your husband decide what to do!
I can be a planner, too. And the what-ifs drove me nuts when we talked about baby #2 and when I was pregnant with #2. Whether you plan or not, things seem to have a way of working out.
I think kids close in age can have a wonderful relationship. My kids are 4 years apart so not that close in age, but they still have a wonderful relationship.
Good luck!
I totally laughed out loud at the thought of making sure delivery doesn’t happen during football season, because that is going to happen to me. We have already discussed it. The only difference is with us, there is only about a two week window because HC coaches football AND baseball. That should be intereting
I’m ready too. In my heart. My pocketbook is not yet ready. Our little guy is 8 months old and we had a scare that I was secretly hoping would just make the decision for me so I didn’t have to be the one rushing it. It just….happened.
Except that it didn’t. I’m both bummed and relieved. Which makes me confused. Which makes me ramble in your comments.
You’ll be amazed at how fast some of these “what ifs” disappear the minute you stare into the face of your second born. Afterall, the saying goes “you don’t divide love, you multiply it.”
I wrote recently about one of my concerns about raising 2 girls:
http://piersoll4.blogspot.com/2010/05/similarity-stops-here.html
I’m ready, although after last nights screamfest I’m not sure JPW is ready. But I do know that around Ry’s first birthday we won’t be preventing. Maybe we’ll be pregnant together and our kiddos will have birthdays near each other, again!
Stopping by from the D-List Party. I am an planner as well. My husband is not. I already have planned when we will start trying for number 2. My husband is the kind that wants to wait and see where we are at that point. Like you said though, it will happen when it happens. You will drive your self nuts planning and thinking about the what ifs.
You’re daughter is adorable!
I say stop planning it and just try to see what happens. if it happens then good for you. My two oldest are 15 months apart yeas they fight but they are also each others best friend.
I’m sooooooooo pleased to see that there are so many other over-planners out there too!!! All your thoughts and fears that you’ve blogged about there – yeah, I get them totally. Then I wonder how a newborn can make my heart flutter when I have a deliciously gorgeous 9mo. Crazy hormones. Sigh
Stopping by from D-Listed – thanks for dropping by my blog!
I really wish I would have been able to think about things the way you are thinking about them…my son and daughter are 14 months apart. We didn’t plan our daughter – in fact, it never even crossed our mind that we could get pregnant again so soon. Not that we were thinking that it was impossible…we just figured that we had to try for our son so any future babies we would have to try for, too. WRONG.
Then, the twins were a complete and total shock. We weren’t trying, we were using condoms (long story why we weren’t using some other kind of birth control) and there was this one time that we didn’t take the 30 second time out it takes to put a condom on and…twin boys 9 months later – less than 3 years after my daughter.
You know what, though – I probably wouldn’t have planned it this way and I’m having a blast! Things aren’t always perfect. Things are more often than not really tough…but this is what life is about. To be honest, my son doesn’t remember a time without his sister – to him, she’s always been here. He wasn’t jealous and I have plenty of love to go around for all my children…but I had the same worries you mentioned and have learned they are really nothing to worry about.
Okay – so after that extremely long comment here’s what I think:
Go for it. I can’t imagine any loving mother regretting having a child she wants because it is the wrong “time”…if you wait for the right “time” you may be waiting forever.
Girl, were we separated at birth? Because you sound JUST LIKE ME when my daughter was about that age. My period hadn’t come back yet and I was starting to worry that I wouldn’t be able to have the kids as close together as I liked. I wanted them less than two years apart, born during the school year (because I LOVED having birthday parties where I could bring my friends home after school and felt sorry for summer kids), and I wasn’t getting any younger. So the day my period returned just before my daughter turned 11 months, I was bouncing off the walls. I had one month to get it right or I’d have to wait until December.
Guess what, no matter how long you had to try for that first one, the second comes pretty fast for the most part. I remember my period came on 8/8/08 (I remember because of the weird date) and I was looking at two pink lines on 9/5/08. Of course, I was puking my brains out by 9/18/08 and on and on, but I had a beautiful baby boy the next May (during the school year) only 20 months younger than his big sister. I had all the same worries, but, you know what, it just happens. You love them both and differently. You’d do anything for either of them, and when they start interacting, it melts your heart. Of course, you want to bang their heads together when they fight, but I just remember how much I love my baby brother and it all works out.
Good luck sweetie. Just touch base with your doctor to make sure there’s no issue with getting pregnant now.
-Jen (http://www.heligirl.com)
I am finding so many bloggers that I think are the same person as me. My ute aches like it’s nobody’s business when I see a newborn. I long to smell newborn baby and hear the sweet little baby squeaks and coos.
And then my child, 14 months, wakes up screaming at 2:00am and I am quickly thrust back into reality.
I am not ready to do this again.
But you should totally do this again so I can live vicariously through you.
great, great post. we had a similar situation. we decided to start trying again when our first was just seven months old. we wanted them close. i didn’t get pregnant until 16 months later! blah!
I’ve been talking about having baby #2, but my husband is not giving in. He’s the planner and he’s always thinking about money, saving for college, and all the what ifs. All I can think about is wanting my son to grow up with a brother or sister. He’s going to be 4 years old next month, and he was absolutely wonderful as a baby and now. My husband keeps telling me he’ll have plenty of friends and cousins, but that’s definitely not the same as having a brother or sister.
I do the mental 9 month calculator in my head too. I just cannot decide! Ugh! And in the long run I know it’s not even up to me so I should quit stressing about planning it- but I just can’t help it. And then I come to the same conclusion as you- It’ll happen when it happens.
All of those things went through my head too. I was sooo ready to get pregnant with baby #2. We ended up waiting until our first was 21 months to get pregnant, so mine are 2.5 yrs apart. One really funny thing though..I remember feeling like my oldest wasn’t a baby anymore and that he was so independent. I craved that snuggle time that you get with a newborn. Then when my second one was born, it hit me like a ton of bricks just how young my oldest still really was and how much he actually still needed me !
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